How to ensure your wellbeing thrives when the ‘mum-comparison’ bug is threatening to bite.

2017-08-18
Comparison in almost every form diminishes our wellbeing. In this blog post I share some questions to ask ourselves when being tempted by the comparison bug.
 
comparison2

 

Comparison is one of the past-time that drains and depletes us beautiful mums of our wellbeing. It takes our precious time and energy away from what really matters.

The key to neutralising this bug, is catching yourself in the action. Noticing when you are tempted to compare yourself to another mum or becoming aware when you are totally immersed in a ‘I’m not as good a mum as her’ moment (aka comparisonitis).

It can be a fine line between learning from one another and getting bogged down with the feeling of not being good enough ‘compared’ to what you see or hear around you.

The best way you identify where you are, is by the way you feel about it – do you feel empowered or do you feel guilt or shame?

 

In my experience, comparison between mums can be both small and subtle, all the way to the outright big and blatant…all of which does nothing to nurture our everyday wellbeing.

 

Comparison could be about anything from…


 what we wear, to where we live, to what we eat.

 

as well as…

…the amount of help or support we have

…how many children we have

…what our children have/do/learn/know

…to whether we work full-time, part-time or not at all.

 

I could go on but I’m sure you get my point!

 

Why do we compare?

 

There are a number of seemingly different reasons why we compare ourselves but at the very heart of them all is to determine or rather validate our self-worth. Are we good enough? Are we doing okay? However the issue with looking externally, is that we will not attain the authentic answer – we can only find this by looking internally...inside ourselves.

 

MY DREAM

 

Imagine if we all (EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US) were to give ourselves a break? That is stop being so hard on ourselves. What if we decided not to compare ourselves to our fellow mums?

What would the result be? Is this even a possibilitiy? I would love to think so.

When we consciously decide not to compare ourselves to another and instead turn our focus inward, we nurture our wellbeing immensely. This not only benefits us but everyone else in our life…especially our children.

 

 

COMING TOGETHER

 

When mums choose self-kindness over comparison – it’s a win-win for all…especially our children.

I’m a firm believer that if each of us spent as much time on self-reflection, that is nurturing our wellbeing by turning the focus inward, as we did sizing ourselves up against other mums – the happier we would be. If each of us did this, the world we live in would be a vastly different place.

 

ACCEPT + APPRECIATE

 

We are all different and we all parent in slightly different ways BUT one thing I know for sure is that when we focus on what others are doing and use it to judge ourselves, we diminish our wellbeing.

Our precious time and energy becomes consumed with external matters (often ones that we have no control over) and little by little we decrease our wellbeing level.



WELLBEING ROLE MODELS

 

We can lead the way by being an amazing wellbeing role-model. Consistently valuing and nurturing and celebrating our wellbeing each day.  

When we do this we give our children permission to value, nurture and celebrate their wellbeing everyday as well. This is such a beautiful gift to share with them and a strong foundation for life.

Children take their social cues from us, so when we compare, compete, judge, criticise other mums (or ourselves), they absorb this and often adopt this as a way of interacting with the world.

SHARE + SUPPORT

 

I’m not saying that motherhood is a piece of cake, it can actually be immensely challenging at times however indulging in the act of comparison directly depletes our wellbeing goodness. It’s the perfect way to self-sabotage our days as mothers.

Surround yourself with friends that share your wellbeing values. Spending time with like-minded friends can be a wonderful way to boost your wellbeing.

 

COMPASSION

 

It can be so easy to compare yourself but I say challenge yourself instead. Take the time to reflect and focus on you and your wellbeing. Pause and decide to turn the focus inward.

When you feel the urge to judge or compare yourself to another mum - catch yourself and ask yourself some curious questions.

 

ASK YOURSELF


Why am I comparing myself to another mum?

Why am I feeling like this?

Why do I feel the need to judge?

Is this comparison elevating my wellbeing?

What am I really worried/upset/hurt about?

What can I do to nurture my wellbeing today?

What wellbeing action can I take now to help me feel more happy?

 

 

By being aware that the ‘mum-comparison bug’ is often lurking, you are being pro-active about your everyday wellbeing.

Remember awareness followed by curious questions are simple actions that can help you to keep your wellbeing on track.


Here’s to living a wellbeing-filled life! xo

 

Let's Connect

Comments


Clare Greig
Beautiful post Rhiannon. We need to give ourselves a break. Support each other. Thanks for this gorgeous post. 
Thanks so much Clare. 
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Kristy Goodwin
Rhiannon, I totally agree that there is so much comparison as a mum. I think we're all doing the best we can at what is one of the hardest jobs in the world.  It would be so much better if we supported each other, rather than comparing ourselves to others.
Absolutely, thanks Kristy. It really does take a village...wouldn't it be wonderful if we all came together and embraced this notion! :) 
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Helen Butler
Great article Rhiannon! I have found that as I get older I feel much more comfortable in my skin. I've weeded out people who are negative and suffer from comparison-itis. I know I'll never fully be able to get away from it but it's a good start!
Thanks Helen. That's great to hear - being comfortable in your own skin is such a beautiful self-gift! ...& I think being conscious and proactive about comparison is wonderful too! :) 
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Prerna Malik|The Mom Writes
SO awesome Rhiannon!! Beautifully written and so true... It can be tough but taking that first step and being aware is key! Thank you for writing this!!
Thank you SO much Prerna. It's really nice to know it resonated with you. :) 
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