THE DAY I THOUGHT I’D DIE + HOW IT BECAME MY GREATEST GIFT.

2018-01-25
In this blog post, I reveal why the 17th February, 2009, was my greatest gift and how it gave me the kick up the butt I needed to begin living my best life.
 
my family

It was my second wedding anniversary. Our son was now 2 months old and I was scheduled to have my diaphragmatic hernia repaired.

The days following the operation were a blurr, I didn’t feel well, I was groggy but no-one seemed too worried so I figured that it’d just take a few more days to feel myself again.

Day 3 and a doctor on his rounds, realised that something wasn’t quite right. I don’t remember the exact details but that wonderful man discovered that my left lung had totally collapsed, the chest cavity was full of blood and my heart had shifted 5cm from its usual position.


The hours following this discovery were some of the scariest of my life.

I was going downhill fast and struggling to breathe. I just couldn’t seem to suck enough oxygen in (even with the giant oxygen mask). I was literally gasping for every breath.

Breathing had been something I’d always taken for granted but now it was my number one priority – I was well and truly in survival mode.

The nurses tried to drain the blood but it didn’t help.

Eventually, the doctors decided I must go back into theatre so they could reinflate my lung.

Waiting for them to prepare themselves (and me) for the operation, felt like an eternity.

I’ve never felt so helpless, I’ve never felt so scared and I’ve never wanted to live more than any other time.

As they wheeled me towards the theatre’s double doors, fear consumed me…


I WASN’T READY TO DIE!

I’d hardly started to live – I was 28, just given birth to my beautiful baby boy…we are meant to be starting life together as a family. This wasn’t in the plan – this wasn’t how it is supposed to be.

Then, as the doors opened, I did something I‘d never done before… I totally surrended (it was a last ditch effort/a final plea to live). I basically went okay, you have me…

what do I need to do to make sure I live?

 

I was willing to do anything! (I suppose I was talking to God, my angels, the universe – really anyone that may have been listening!) I was desperate, I wanted to survive…

 

Then almost instantaneously the answer popped into my head – FORGIVENESS.

 

WOW! The deal was done. I couldn’t believe how clear it was. 

Forgiveness was my answer.

 

I remembering praying – “please help me to remember this when I wake, so I learn to FORGIVE – wholeheartedly.”

Waking up some hours later, breathing through a tube. I’m alive I thought. AWESOME! I’m off to a good start.


I waited for quite a while, unable to move or speak but I could breathe . I felt such massive relief.

Now, the final test remained, would I be able to breathe on my own?

While I waited to find  out the answer, I contemplated my life.

 

I reflected like I’d never done before.

 

What had I been doing with my life?

How was I living it?

Was I happy with how my life had been up until now?

What would I like to change?


IT WAS A HUGE WAKE UP CALL.



I realised I’d not been living my best life at all. I’d been motoring along, doing okay but I wasn’t truly happy… let alone at peace!

The biggest realisation came when it dawned on me that I’d been living a life of FEAR.

I’d spent so much time consumed by fear. I was fearful of being judged and the list went on…

fearful of pushing the status quo

fearful of stepping in the arena

fearful of not being enough,

fearful of not being liked,

fearful of criticism,

fearful of failing,

fearful of really following my dreams

fearful of what might happen if I really embraced unconditional forgiveness (my self-righteousness + ego had a strong hold on me)


FEAR was everywhere – it was ruling my life and…was a massive block to LOVE.


I knew if I was going to live my dream life from now, I needed to do some soul searching. I needed to remove the blocks. I needed LOVE and I knew it had to begin from the inside out.

 

I was done with playing it safe.



I decided then and there that when I get out of here, I’d make the most of my life!


I’d make choices from a LOVE mindset. I decided that I was going to live an amazing life, be a fantastic mum, have amazing relationships and follow my dreams.

I remember thinking that if I can breathe on my own then I’m blessed to be given another shot at living my life exactly like I always hoped it would be.


I want to feel good everyday.  I felt like I had nothing to lose!

 

17th February 2009, was the greatest gift because it gave me the kick up the butt that I needed to get my act together. It was a beautiful chance to start again.

Forgiveness is still a huge part of my life today. It has revolutionised my life!

I believe if our world was more forgiving, if each of us were all more forgiving (of ourselves + others) many of our worldly problems would greatly diminish…( but this is a whole other blog post!)

 

So, here I am 9 years since that life-changing day, living my best life each day, feeling better, more alive, more happy and more peaceful than ever before…

I want this feeling for you too gorgeous mum...and you don't have to wait until the Universe gives you a wake up call - you can decide you want the best for you today! 

 

 

Let's Connect

Comments


Kate // WordLove
Such an inspiring post, by an inspiring woman I'm honoured to have met! Loved our recent chat about forgiveness. Thank you for living your best life possible, Rhiannon!!
Thank you so much Kate. I always love chatting to you and I'm so blessed to call you my friend. xo 
By -

Libby Thompson
Rhiannon. What a privilege it is to have you in my life. I am so glad to read this and know that you are safe, whole and well right now and that you are being all that you can be. I wish you love and light x
Wow...thank you so much Libby. I really appreciate your gorgeous words. It is so wonderful to have met you too. It's really just the beginning of new  (a Beautiful You Coaching) chapter... which I'm so excited about! xo
By -

Pocket Yogini Tash
Things come into our vision when most needed. Such an inspiring post. Thank you for sharing your story. Just the little kick up the butt I needed :) here's to a more forgiving world xo
Thank you so much for your beautiful comment Natasha. I love talking about forgiveness (and practicing it) as I feel it's one of those topics that isn't spoken about enough. So glad you liked the post. xo
By -

Kate Bowern
This is beautiful (and scary) to read. I had a similar scare with a few key hole surgeries and cancer and never have I wanted to live my life more than those moments. I have loved reading this. Thank you so much for sharing x
Thanks so much Kate. Wow, you have been through so much lovely. Yes, that feeling of determination to live is definitely powerful (and life-changing).  It's wonderful to be on this wellbeing journey with you Kate. Much love to you xo 
By - Rhiannon

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