Five simple everyday ways to connect with your partner while raising young children.

2020-01-14
Something I'm often asked about is how to keep your relationship on track whilst raising young children. Below are 5 simple everyday ways to connect with your partner.
 
Rhi and Nick



Raising children while nurturing your relationship with your partner is no easy feat and it’s something that I’m often asked about. Almost overnight, you go from having all this time, freedom and flexibility to being at the beck and call of your precious new family member. It can be a shock to the system, that’s for sure.

That being said, there are 24 hours in a day and understandably you’ll feel tired and constantly on the go for most of that time. However, I believe it’s so important to schedule in some time each week solely for you and your partner.

One of the best things you can do when raising your child is to remain connected with your partner while doing so. Lack of time or busyness is not an excuse. To be totally honest, I’m blown-away by how many relationships are splitting up these days (and by no means am I saying to stay in an abusive relationship – I would never suggest that) though I’m sure many relationships could’ve been saved with a little more time, kindness and attention – and by scheduling in and enjoying time together. Sure, it won’t be like the early days and you’ll need to adapt to your growing family but the more you make it a priority the better it will be for your family bubble.

In the first year after giving birth, I was exhausted and recovering from my lung collapse but I still knew how important it was to make time to be with my husband. I wanted to stay connected, so I led the way and scheduled in regular time with him. Sometimes we’d go for a walk, sometimes we had a coffee and chat, sometimes we watched a TV show together. Occasionally we had a candlelight date night at home. Other times it would be some mum and dad fun between the sheets, which I know can be a little taboo to talk about, but staying intimately connected is often an important part of maintaining a healthy relationship. If we didn’t schedule in this special time together during the early years and waited until I was in the mood, it would have rarely happened. I’d make a plan and let him know and if the plan went out the window because the children didn’t stay asleep it didn’t matter – the important part was that we were both making an effort to stay connected while raising our children.



If you ever find yourself feeling disconnected from your partner or you’d just like to keep the intimacy in your relationship on track, try practicing the following:


1.      Schedule in time at least once a week to connect with your partner. Create a list of things you’d like to do together over the coming year during your special, scheduled time. By doing so you continue to prioritise the relationship, so during the challenging times you’re more likely to come together rather than push each other away.


2.    Set your intention for your time together in advance. Take a minute to set the tone for your time together prior to the event. How do you want to feel while you’re interacting with your partner? What feelings do you want to dominate? Another way to do this is to focus on a few things you appreciate about them, as this will help you engage with them from a place of high-vibe, positive energy.


3.  Anytime you engage with your partner (especially when you’re about to launch into a lecture) ask yourself this question – does it really matter? You’ll often find that it doesn’t, however, sometimes you allow yourself to get worked up over something small that ordinarily wouldn’t worry you. Sometimes you respond out of habit or out of fear but these little overreactions matter and each one chips away at your beautiful connection and over time this can often cause disconnection.

4.   Bring your best self to each interaction. Choose to be present as much as possible so that you make it quality time. You may even decide to turn off your phones when you’re together to limit distractions. Tune into your tone – how do you speak to your partner? Are you speaking with kindness? Time is precious so how do you choose to use the time when you’re with your partner? Are you using your time to deepen your connection or offload your list of complaints? It can be a fine balance and your tone (and intention) will impact how successful each interaction is.

 

5.    Be more light-hearted. Decide to be a little more playful. Growing older is a privilege and something to deeply appreciate. Bring the joy and look for the opportunity to have a laugh, tell a funny story or play a game of charades! Make a list of fun things you like to do together and plan to incorporate them into your year ahead!


 

Ultimately, you’re not responsible for your partner’s happiness and they’re not responsible for yours but it’s undeniable our intimate relationships do influence how we feel. Investing some of our time, love and attention to making our intimate relationships fulfilling is absolutely worthwhile.

Think about how you’d like your life to be. How is your relationship now and how would you like it to be in 20 years’ time? When you reflect on these questions, you’ll know exactly how to prioritise your time.

Remember that deep connection occurs by prioritising and creating little moments of presence over time. So, lovely mum, make time for you and your partner and notice how the quality of connection shifts to a more fulfilling gear.


Wishing you a brilliant 2020 for you and your family!

 

 

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