A topic that comes up so often when talking to my clients and mum friends is mama anger. It seems that tension, anxiety, and anger is at an all time high in our country.
I totally understand why angry outbursts occur because I used to have them, too. In my teens and early twenties, I would go from 0–100 in 10 seconds. I had little control over my emotional wellbeing and I felt like I had to yell in order to be heard.
Thankfully, when I had my life-changing experience at age 28, I decided that I wanted to prioritise and drastically improve my emotional wellbeing and so I endeavoured to manage my feelings and improve the way I engaged with my family and friends.
I wanted better for myself and my family deserved the best of me so I taught myself how to become the calm person I so longed to be. That being said, lovely mum, I definitely don’t walk around in a bubble of calm all the time. However, these days I rarely yell and I only occasionally raise my voice at my children out of frustration – a far cry from my previous negative outbursts.
I wanted to touch on this topic with you because I know that even if you feel like you’re often yelling, feeling frustrated or angry with your children or your partner, you too can learn to become a calm mum.
Below are three great ways to become a calm mum:
1. Acknowledge your behaviour
Wholeheartedly own your feelings of frustration and anger (possibly even rage) and how you have been expressing it. Know that it’s safe to do so and that you are not alone (I promise you) because so many mums wish to be more calm, kind, and patient with their children.
By acknowledging to yourself and accepting where you’re at with your emotional wellbeing, you are beginning the process of becoming a calm mum. Forgive yourself fully and celebrate because today is the day you start fresh and begin your calm mum journey. You may even decide to have a chat with your children about how you are feeling and see if they would like to share how they feel with you, too.
2. Create a calm morning wellbeing routine
The way you begin the day tends to be the way the day flows. Your morning routine is a key factor in creating a calm you. A powerful way to do this is to set your daily intention as you wake.
For example, “Today I’m going to prioritise being calm as I move through my day.”
Think about two ways you can help maintain a calm state of being as you manage the challenges that arise throughout the day. It could be that you take three deep breaths before speaking or each time you remind yourself of your intention to be calm you sip lemon water or a calming tea. A five-minute walk outside or simply hosing the garden while thinking about what you appreciate about your child are all wonderful ways to maintain a calm state of being.
3. Prioritise connection with those in your family bubble
The people who make up your family bubble are those in your home – your nearest and dearest. In today’s busy world we can often overlook the value of taking time to connect with those we live with. Connection is imperative for cultivating loving and trusted relationships.
Take a moment to identify who needs more of your time, love, and attention and then decide to prioritise connecting with them. When we spread ourselves too thin, we can neglect to give our children and partners the best of us. It feels amazing to be our best selves and our loved ones deserve the best of us.
No matter how often you currently yell or how ‘bad’ you think things are, you can make a change for the better today. Consistency is key.
Begin each day with your intention to be calm (as in No. 2) and when you fall off the ‘calm’ wagon don’t berate yourself or blame anyone. Acknowledge your behaviour and apologise.
A simple, “I’m sorry that I just lost my cool, I’m trying really hard to be calm, I’m going to take a few deep breaths now and reset my wellbeing” is all you need to say.
The more you do this, the more you'll strengthen your calm mum muscle. Even after a few days of practicing these tools you will begin to feel a shift and notice a wonderful calm energy permeate your relationships.
Lovely mum, if this blog resonates with you, please reach out and let me know as I look forward to hearing how you go on your journey to becoming a calm mum. I know it's possible, as I transformed my own emotional wellbeing. Yes, it absolutely takes time and practice, but the effort will transform your life.
Rhi xo